I came to the same conclusion about balance: neither Steeply nor Marathe is "right," and DFW doesn't agree with either of them. They take each of their beliefs to an undesirable extreme.
I think Steeply is the representation of the selfish and the completely free, and Marathe is the representation of the self-sacrificing and the unfree. You'll notice that one element of each is desirable ("free," "self-sacrificing") but the other is not ("selfish," "unfree"). Hence there are pros and cons of each of the positions assumed by Steeply and Marathe.
DFW seems to let Marathe lead the conversation most of the time, letting him relentlessly criticize a more quiet Steeply, and this might be because this is the primary criticism that DFW sprinkles throughout IJ. DFW fears the selfish pursuit of happiness borne of complete freedom in the United States. People let their freedom hinge on obsessions: with drugs, with film, with tennis. This is where too much choice is dangerous.
However, criticism of Marathe's views are definitely there, just more subtle. First of all, Marathe is obviously hypocritical, because he is betraying his political group for his wife. DFW almost seems to be indicating that, sure, you can sacrifice yourself to some greater cause; but inevitably something more personal, something closer to you will affect you. And you can choose to ignore it and go on sacrificing for some greater cause, but then are you really living your life? And though you might be helping out with some great impersonal goal, won't you be hurting the people more immediately around you? I'm reminded of the conversation that Schtitt had with Mario: the idea that life is pro-death. So it is, if you're being coaxed by others into jumping in front of trains, into becoming an assassin, or even into sacrificing the whole of your youth and physical health for tennis. These might seem like lofty things to dedicate yourself to, especially compared with the things that the people of Steeply's O.N.A.N. become obsessed with,—entertainment, drugs, the individual pursuit of happiness—but in the end they're just as malicious, only less obviously so. Obsessions clearly make you "undead," sure, but so does complete self-sacrifice, as you mindlessly follow the instructions of others.
So, in the end, some kind of balance is necessary. I don't know whether you can realistically obtain a balance, and maybe that's why you don't see DFW portraying it.* But freedom obviously needs to be restricted in some form without it being completely restricted. The sphere of people immediately around you needs to be considered and communicated with before you think of just yourself or some greater ideal for a large impersonal people.
*I feel like the Ennet House or AA might, later in the story, show itself as some form of a balance.
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